A Week Later

It’s a week later and things are crazy here. I moved in a little over a week ago. Tomorrow is my first official day, but I’ve still be working my butt off. Part of that is because I preach on Sunday. The little bit that I was doing in addition to getting my bearings straight probably would not have taken me that long... but I was trying to write a sermon in the midst of that and my parents were still here until yesterday. It was good having them around, but not terribly conducive to getting work done. As of right now, the sermon is not done but at least it has direction. I’m probably about a third to half way done with it. While tomorrow should technically be my day off, I will be finishing my sermon. Hopefully it won’t take terribly long.

Internship has been an interesting experience so far. There have been several points where I have felt like I don’t know what I’m doing here. There are other points when I feel like I can do this. So far, I think the lack of confidence/competence has vastly outweighed the confidence/competence. The next couple of days should be alright... preaching, I can do that. I know how to do that. I think a big part of it is experience. There are some things I have done and there are many others that I have not. But I think another part of it is feeling like so much rests on this year. So much of what I’ve been doing for the past two years and what I hope to do in the future rests in how this year turns out. Yes, it is a learning experience, but I think the notion about how much this year means is on the back of my mind which kind of paralyzes me. I’m at least aware of it and trying to combat it... but I sort of feel like I’ve managed to fool everyone before, make them think I can do this, and now the truth will come out that I am a complete failure. I’m sure (on one level) that this won’t happen. But that nagging feeling is always there in the back of my mind.

So mixed feelings and a need to sort it all out plus probably just give it time. I’ll let you know how it continues to go.

Kate

Pictures of Chagrin Falls

 

And So It Begins...

Internship has begun. I moved into my house (it has four bedrooms... two stories... it’s amazing) on Wednesday afternoon after packing and cleaning for three and a half hours in Columbus that morning. I spent some time unpacking that evening and finally crashed sometime after 1:00 AM. I got up at 8 the next morning and spent some more time unpacking... particularly electronics. Friday I left for a council retreat at Camp Mowana, my first official act as an intern. After an overnight and full day of meeting with the council, I returned home Saturday night (last night) exhausted. I went to Chagrin Falls proper for dinner with my parents and then went to bed in an effort to prepare for this morning. After two church services and a church picnic, I finally was able to come back here and take a three and a half hour nap. Plus, this morning at second service there was a baptism and in addition to the church picnic following second service, there was a wedding at the church at 12:30 and the reception followed at the church. It was nuts, but it was good. I think this is going to be a good year. The council at this church is comprised of incredible people and I am very happy to be working with them. The entire congregation is very welcoming and my supervisor is awesome. I’m a little bit nervous about some things simply because it is a new experience. But now that I’m here, I’m far less nervous about things than I was before moving. We’ll see what happens.

In the meantime, I will post some pictures of the falls which give Chagrin Falls its name.

Kate

More Space...

More space equals more stuff... that’s what I’m learning. I know that I don’t have much more space now than I had when I last lived in New Mexico, but I am learning through this packing experience that I have managed to fill the extra space with more junk. Let’s not forget the extra books I acquired over the past two years not to mention other random ministry related items. Oh... and electronics. I’ve acquired some more electronic gadgets too which means more stuff. More paper from the extra classes - paper I want to keep not only because I’m a pack rat but because I think it might serve a purpose in my job. Let’s just say that I have a lot of stuff... more than I probably should I suppose. But in some ways, I’m not necessarily willing to part with it.

Good news, I’m getting there. My desk is cleaned out, but not off. I’ve also got my kitchen stuff, all of it, to pack up as well as all my clothes. All my electronics are still in use. Those will go at the last minute. All my toiletries and first aid stuff still needs to be packed as well... this includes the bathroom.

So that’s where I’m at. My room is a wreck right now... a complete and total mess. But it’s ok. I’m willing to live with it in the midst of all this packing.

Kate

A Few Reflections on Pain and Suffering

It’s late and I know I should be asleep... but I seem to be having the problem of being a night owl lately and no matter how early I try to get myself to go to bed, it just doesn’t happen. I keep staying up later and later knowing that I get to sleep in at least a bit later than I would if it were the academic year. But this is a bad habit to be in because in about a week I am going to have to adjust my schedule to a work schedule which means getting up earlier and definitely getting to bed earlier so I’m not so tired.

Anyway, I felt compelled to reflect a bit on pain and suffering. I guess partially because I’ve had my own pain recently but additionally because I am addicted to hospital shows (House being my favorite right now) and two episodes of Grey’s Anatomy tonight had me thinking. In the episodes (which had the same story line continued through both), one of the doctors is giving birth and her husband gets into a car accident on the way to the hospital. When he arrives at the hospital, it is in an ambulance and he winds up in an OR instead of in the delivery room with his wife. Because she is in labor, the other doctors decide not to tell her anything about her husband until they have something concrete to report. For the record, I didn’t agree with their decision. I thought it was a poor choice and that she should know. Finally, there came a point when her husband had been in surgery for long enough for her to suspect something was wrong and the doctors felt at that point they needed to tell her. I understand that they were trying to keep her from suffering. They were trying to protect her. They like her, perhaps even love her, and want to keep her safe, keep her happy. But her naivete about the situation did not mean it magically went away or that her husband was not in danger of dying. Instead it made her anxious and wonder what had happened to her husband. “Protecting” her only made the situation worse.

We don’t like seeing our friends and family hurting. Plain and simple. We also don’t like to suffer, but more importantly how we react to people who are suffering, people we care for, is often determined by what we like or don’t like. Because we don’t like to suffer and we suffer when we see our friends/family suffering, we often choose to try and prevent them from suffering. Or trying to cheer them up. I’m not saying that cheering somebody up is a bad thing, but sometimes a person really does need to wallow in what is going on. They need to suffer in order for things to get better... if that makes any sense. Grief needs to happen. Otherwise things become very unhealthy and things are much worse later. So perhaps it isn’t best to “protect” our friends and family. I actually believe it isn’t... simply put. Tell them bad news if they have a right to know. What they do with the information is what they do with the information. But also be the friend who is there through it all, through the bad stuff. That’s the important thing. Like Job’s friends when they came and sat with him in the trash heap... but not later when they tried to convince him to blaspheme God... bad move.

I also have thought a bit about this for myself too. I’m sure some of you have read my posts about headaches and the like. Some of you have even tried to “protect” me a bit in various ways. Trust me, I’m doing what I need to do. Bad news, good news... I’m dealing with it. Wishing it away doesn’t work... trust me, I’ve tried. I am at where I am at with all of this. But rest assured that things are actually better than they probably sound here. Yes, I’m still having headaches every day. However, they are like pre-headache headaches that are the slight throbbing one generally feels just before a major headache. They don’t even usually require Advil. There are some times however that I do in fact have to take something for them, but usually not. Also, I haven’t been nauseous since Monday... so I’m hoping that was just a medication/food/something else reaction. By and large, I’m doing better. I’m able to do most things. But the frustrating thing is that it has not completely cleared up. So, to all of you out there, thank you for caring. I really do appreciate it. Ask me how it is going, listen to me lament about it, or rejoice if things are better. Maybe make suggestions for things to do. But don’t try to protect me. I am suffering a bit, but it is suffering I must do. There is suffering we all must do. Not because we want to, but because that is the situation we are in and it is a situation we can’t change. We so often want to make it better, want to change it, but often we can’t. I can’t change (at least at the moment I’m not aware of how) the fact that I’m having headaches, I just am. I’m taking steps to try and figure it out... like seeing the doctor and taking the medication she prescribes. But otherwise it is out of my control.

There are my long, and probably barely coherent if at all, thoughts on pain and suffering. Sorry for the rambling...

Kate

Packing - I'm Not a Fan

I have continued packing in the midst of going out with friends, going to chapel, and lets not forget procrastinating. I’m getting to the point now though that I’m remembering why, in the past, I’ve put packing off until the last minute... at least the two days before I move. I have a small amount of stuff compared to some people (but still a lot let me tell you) so it has worked in the past to wait until two days or the day before a move to pack. For some reason I decided to start packing earlier... give myself more time. Plus, I have some things to do, but by and large I do have a lot of spare time on my hands so why not pack right?

Ok, so now all my books are packed save the few still floating around that I want access to or am actually reading right now (I promise there are only a few). I also boxed up my notebooks and other folders with class notes and handouts. Additionally, I packed my DVDs, tapes, and PS2 games. I then cleaned up my dresser a bit and went through some of my stuff on my table. My problem now is trying to answer, “What to pack next?” Most of the rest of the stuff I will probably need in the next few days. I don’t want to pack it now because I’ll only have to open the box back up again to fish out whatever it is I need. If I wait until 2 days before, then I won’t have that problem... so my conclusion... packing, not a fan.

Also, with regard to the previous post, here’s a link to a clip of the Colbert Report about Heinz Ketchup.

Kate

The Power of the People

I’m a fan of the Colbert Report. It’s a half hour television show on Comedy Central much like the Daily Show (and actually more like a spoof of the O’Reilly Factor that airs on Fox News. There are very, very, very, very few things that Stephen Colbert (pronounced Col-bear), the host of the show, says that can be taken seriously. Everything and I mean everything is meant as a joke. There are a few regular parts of the show such as “The Word” and an interview with a guest that are simply hysterical. The interviews are particularly interesting as many people think it is a platform for a serious conversation. Meanwhile, Colbert interrupts and throws inane (and yet sometimes very appropriate) questions their way.

Anyway, I say all of this because I was impressed with the size of Colbert’s audience last night. There was a portion of his show last night during which he made reference to Heinz’s latest marketing tool, customizing the labels on ketchup bottles. All one has to do is go to www.myheinz.com in order to do so. During the course of the show, my friend Sarah got up to see how much ordering one of the bottles of ketchup would be and couldn’t access the site. Colbert had created such a ruckus about this, all the people going there crashed the site! Heinz ketchup! He also crashed Wikipedia back in July. And Giraldo Rivera believes that the Colbert Report doesn’t have any impact...

In other news, I have actually started packing. It’s a shock, I know... even to me... but I have started. Most of my books, particularly my theological/academic books, are packed. It’s only taken ten boxes to get most of them... and I haven’t even gotten to my notebooks and the other books (like novels, and there are a fair amount of them too) floating around here. I expect that will take at least another three boxes or maybe even more. The notion that I have too many books is beginning to be reinforced by all the boxes and I haven’t even started packing the rest of my stuff.

Medically... still having headaches. Most of the time it feels like the first stages of a headache, the stage right before I need to take medication. Yesterday, however, we moved from the achy, “I can handle this” stage to the full blown, “need Advil” stage. I also (and this won’t be pleasant, so for the weak of heart, skip this sentence... and maybe the one after it) was nauseous and then threw up again on Saturday. Not sure what that was all about. Today, in the middle of packing and moving boxes of books (which I didn’t think it was too excruciating) I felt icky and on the verge of nausea. I had to stop and take a break, eat some food and then start again. I don’t know... and this move in the middle of this is not seemingly pleasant. Not because I need to move, but in terms of health care and all that. I’ve been seeing my doctor here in Columbus... but if this keeps up I either need to come back down here for doctors appointments or find a doctor up there which means going through the history and then maybe getting paperwork faxed up etc... And that’s after I find a good doctor... I’m tired of being sick. For the most part of I’m able to do everything. But I want to go running or ride my bike, but I’m afraid the exertion would bring back the headaches even worse or the nausea. If packing and moving a few boxes (not very far by the way) brings back the nausea, then what would playing basketball do?

Alright, that’s probably way more than any of you ever wanted to know. But there it is. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my ramblings. =)

Kate

Pondering Paul

I’m currently/still reading a book on Paul by N.T. Wright. In this book, Wright argues that Paul’s three-fold social location (Jew, Roman, and Greek) play a huge part in how Paul interprets things. But Wright also takes another step and argues from the perspective of how Judaism plays into Paul’s interpretation. If we should look at Paul’s interpretation through the eyes of Judaism, particularly through the themes of creation and covenant, then we (a) must rethink some of the ways we have already interpreted Paul and (b) consider that some phrases in Paul’s letters may be allusions to stories from the Hebrew Scriptures and therefore carry more meaning than what we previously thought.

All of this has caused me to think more about how we interpret scripture and what that means for our understanding of the Bible. I have to admit there are allusions and echoes of the Hebrew Scriptures in the New Testament. Some are incredibly obvious (like quite a few in Revelation). But there are some that might or might not be there. An incredible number of Biblical Scholars have spent an incredible amount of time and space arguing which possible allusions or echoes are in fact allusions or echoes. They have also spent an incredible amount of time and space setting up a system (or systems) for evaluating if a particular text is an allusion or an echo. But I guess all my thinking leads me to wondering... how are we supposed to know? Even with all of the time and space devoted to understanding what is or isn’t an allusion or echo, can we trust what the scholars have come up with? I know that we will never absolutely know if any of it is an allusion which is also a large cause of tensions between people. We claim to know how things should be interpreted, what God really desires for us. But I also wonder if part of the reconciliation process is to understand that we might be wrong about our interpretation. However, if we cannot fully trust our interpretation, then what can we trust? Or perhaps that is what faith is... believing in something that is not certain or finite. Yup, I think that might be it.

I should also admit here that I do think we should at least consider how much Judaism was a part of Paul and that his understanding of God as the God of creation and covenant would indeed play a large role in how he interpreted the Christ event. I also find the concept and application of allusions from the Hebrew Scriptures to be intriguing and I even wrote my Revelation paper using the concept. I think I like it because it takes something that we have meaning for and adds another level of meaning giving us a fuller picture. Plus, it allows me to work in both of the testaments which is good since I can’t decide which I like better (Old or New).

So there it is for you... some broad ponderings. I’m still reading and considering how this applies to Paul. I’m also still considering how much we should read into a particular text (if you are exegeting, supposedly nothing.... but we also know that we don’t do exegesis in a vacuum). Anyway, still pondering... not sure if any of this makes any sense to anybody except me. So that’s it for now.

Kate

Tired

Ok, so most of you know that I'm usually tired (hence my e-mail address... tiredkate). But I've gotten better about getting more sleep and I have usually been pretty rested this summer. But now I'm tired again and looking forward to a nap this afternoon and sleeping in tomorrow.

I was in New York at Koinonia Lutheran Camp for a wedding over the weekend. It was a good weekend and I thoroughly enjoyed it. My friends John and Andrea got married. They are truly a good couple. The ceremony was outside at the outdoor chapel on the camp grounds. John and Andrea said their vows surrounded by the people they love and lots of trees.

I also preached Sunday morning for worship. It well. I'm always a little Leary when people tell me they liked the sermon. There are some sermons that I feel that comment is applicable. But there are other sermons where I think, "Aren't you a little shook up by that? You liked the sermon? You liked that the text tells you you screwed up? Ok... did you really pay attention to what I just said?" I'm not sure. But when people come up and tell me that it was powerful or it moved them in a particular way or whatever, I think I am more inclined to believe them. It doesn't seem like they are simply trying to be polite.

Speaking of reactions, I also preached today in chapel here at Trinity. I preached almost the same sermon but I cut some stuff out and altered some stuff to make it a bit more right for the seminary community. I found the reactions here interesting, most people here simply said thank you. I rarely hear that out in the congregation. I'm not sure why that is... I have a few theories, but nothing concrete.

Ok, now for the medical update of the day. I am still having headaches every day, some days are worse than others though. Also, by Sunday afternoon, it seems that whatever is/was in my sinuses decided to drain so I now have a runny/stuffy nose in addition to some headaches. It seems to be getting better today, so I'm hoping that we're nearing the end of the drainage. I'm tired of blowing my nose and sleeping with one side of my nose all stuffed up.

I think that's enough for today. More later.

Kate

Off to New York

So tomorrow morning I leave to drive to a Lutheran camp in New York for my friends John and Andrea’s wedding. They are doing a whole weekend at this camp with the wedding ceremony on Saturday afternoon followed by the reception. Then on Sunday morning, they have asked me to preach at worship. Then I’ll leave after worship to drive another ten hours back here.

I’m excited to get out of here and be at camp for the weekend. I am also excited because I’ll get to see some friends I haven’t seen in a while and I’ll be able to spend the whole weekend with them. And, the whole reason for going out there, to see John and Andrea get married. I’m excited for that too.

So, you probably won’t see me for at least a couple of days. But I guess that’s not totally uncommon... I tend to disappear from the blog for days (sometimes weeks) at a time.

Now for the daily medical update. Today is day three on the antibiotics. So far, nothing is getting better, not that I would expect three days to cure me. On top of that, today the headaches were worse than they have been in the past week. They were still better than what I had almost two weeks ago when this all started, but definitely worse than the past week. I’m going to ride out the rest of the antibiotics and go see my doctor next Thursday and hopefully by then the headaches will have completely stopped.

So that’s the story. I preach Sunday and then in chapel on Tuesday... after that all that will probably be left is the one day a week jaunt in the computer lab plus packing to move. I’m not sure where the month of July went let alone the whole summer and the past two years. But I guess that’s how it goes, time just keeps going faster the older you get. =)

Kate

Hmmmm...

So I feel like I should write. I’m feeling somewhat contemplative, but not really sure what to contemplate. I wonder if that makes any sense at all. Oh well.

So it’s still hot here in Ohio. My air conditioner is struggling to keep up... it’s bad. I believe that either tomorrow or the next day will bring some much needed storms which will break the heat wave. But we’ll see.

I’m back to a funky mood. Kind of bored, supposed to be writing sermons and just not able to get myself there. I spent many hours in the lab today attempting to write my sermon for Sunday. My consciousness told me that I need to get it written by tomorrow at the latest. My subconscious said that it was on Wednesday and I wasn’t preaching until Sunday. Bad mix, bad mix. So I got about a page and a half out today... probably three fourths of the way or a third of the way done by now. Hoping for some inspiration tomorrow. Perhaps passion is the right word. I know where I’m going with this sermon, but my passion for writing it just wasn’t there... just feeling kind of complacent. Bad, bad place to be. It’ll get done... it always gets done.

In another medical update, the results from my blood work and MRI came back Monday. The blood work was normal and my brain function on the MRI was normal. However, I apparently have a lot of sinus pressure. So now I’m on antibiotics in an effort to get rid of the headaches (which I’m still having). So, after two days on the antibiotics, still having headaches... hoping that by the time I’m done with the antibiotics (only another 8 days) the problem will be solved and I’ll go back to normal. But for now, I’m still occasionally taking ibuprofen for the pain in my head... which is pain in itself. I follow up with my doctor next Thursday, presumably toward the end of my antibiotics run. We’ll see how I’m doing then.

Otherwise, things are pretty good here. I spent some good time talking to people today and I went out to dinner with a group of friends. I went out for wings with two other friends last night and tomorrow night I’m going out for boneless wings with two friends who are moving to North Dakota on Monday for first call. So good quality time with people, in real relationships... good stuff. =)

Ok, more later. But for now, it is probably bed time.

Kate