How are things going?

I recently asked a friend how things were going... really, a pretty standard question for me to ask. His response was, “Bad.” I wasn’t totally caught off guard; I knew there were some things going on for him and that was partially why I asked. But his response did make me thing a little later about the question and my responses to it when I’m asked.

That question, “How are things going?” is a question usually reserved for a quick greeting in the hall... something asked in passing. Another version of it is “How are you doing?” Either that or in pastoral care type conversations, or even just conversations with a friend; but I think most frequently I ask it and hear it in the context of a greeting, usually in a hallway. When I’m asked, my typical response is. “Alright.” Nothing terribly specific, nothing that will point in either direction. If things really are good, then I’ll probably express that... but if things aren’t so good, alright will suffice. I think part of this is because I’m not willing to take the time (or sometimes I just don’t have it) to discuss anything futher. The minute you say things aren’t good, that things are even bad, people want to know why and how and how that’s affecting you. Part of that is the natural human instinct to figure out what’s going on I suppose. But, especially around here, people genuinely care and want to help in anyway possible. I think it’s a symptom of a life of ministry... a disease that has affected this place... one that I’m not sure I really want to cure. =) Anyway, I think when the question is asked in passing, in a hallway, I’m less likely to be honest, to open up, because that would take up more of my time and energy. Now, change the context, and I’m probably more likely to be honest, to open up. If I’m with a good friend and we’re sitting someplace talking, that’s a bit different.

What made me think of all this I suppose was the context in which I had asked the question. It was almost in passing, in the courtyard between buildings. Yet my friend was extremely blunt - things are bad. I think even those times I’m being more honest, I tend to try and paint a slightly better picture of things for myself... I don’t think I have ever described things as bad... I’m more likely to hedge things a bit. I wonder if that is simply an encouragement for myself. I don’t want to admit how bad things really are. Or, perhaps, my willingness to always look for the good in things. I don’t know...

So, in some respects, my friend’s bluntness caught me off guard. But I’m glad he and I talked. He appreciated my asking and it gave me something to think about. I don’t think I’ve come to an answer about any of this, nor do I think I need to. These are simply some observations about how we view things and then how we voice them (which are often not the same way).

Kate