Love

Since finishing classes and then a vacation in Florida, I really haven't had a whole lot to do (waiting on a job...). I've done a fair amount of reading, but I must admit that I've also watched a whole lot of TV. I'm pretty used to watching whichever shows I've recorded due to the limited amount of time I had in my schedule. But now that I have almost an unlimited amount of time, I've been flipping channels and that means I've also come across a fair amount of junky TV.

In the last couple of days I've flipped through Vh1 several times and often noticed that they've been doing a Bachelor marathon. So I've been watching every now and again and then tonight, with nothing else to do, I watched a few episodes.

Now, I recognize that the Bachelor has been on for many years and it's not a new phenomenon, but I've been intrigued by the whole process. For those of you not familiar with the show, the premise is that there is a bachelor who starts with 25 single women and through a process of dating and interaction selects one woman from the group to whom he proposes. But as I've watched, I've wondered how this is actually supposed to work. Part of marriage is about being able to be intimately vulnerable with your spouse and I cannot imagine anybody being able to do that fully with cameras recording every move. I will note that this is probably why no bachelor (that I know of) has every actually married the woman he's proposed to at the end of the show (the only one that has worked was actually a bachelorette, Trista and the man she met on the show, Ryan).

But beyond the ability (or lack thereof) to be vulnerable, one comment by a woman on tonight's episode struck me. In a one-on-one conversation with the bachelor, following a question of whether she was really interested, this woman told him that he was everything she wanted in a man. She didn't say that she wanted him, instead said that she wanted a projection that he fulfilled. I think there is a distinct difference between the two - the difference between wanting to be with one particular person as opposed to an idea that one particular person happens to fulfill.

I think in the end that's when real relationships happen (both romantic and friendship), when we want to be with the person that's in front of us, not when we want to be with a projection that person happens to fulfill. Because it is in the moment when we want to be with that person that we no longer view them as an object that fits something we want. It is then that we are truly in relationship, recognizing that no other person can take their place even if they have similar qualities.

So why do the relationships on the Bachelor never seem to work out? I think there are many reasons, but this may be one of them. But what about the rest of us who enter into relationship without cameras and the rest of the nation watching? Are we doing so because of something the person represents or because we truly want to be with that particular person?

Just some thoughts... =)