It’s a week later and things are crazy here. I moved in a little over a week ago. Tomorrow is my first official day, but I’ve still be working my butt off. Part of that is because I preach on Sunday. The little bit that I was doing in addition to getting my bearings straight probably would not have taken me that long... but I was trying to write a sermon in the midst of that and my parents were still here until yesterday. It was good having them around, but not terribly conducive to getting work done. As of right now, the sermon is not done but at least it has direction. I’m probably about a third to half way done with it. While tomorrow should technically be my day off, I will be finishing my sermon. Hopefully it won’t take terribly long.
Internship has been an interesting experience so far. There have been several points where I have felt like I don’t know what I’m doing here. There are other points when I feel like I can do this. So far, I think the lack of confidence/competence has vastly outweighed the confidence/competence. The next couple of days should be alright... preaching, I can do that. I know how to do that. I think a big part of it is experience. There are some things I have done and there are many others that I have not. But I think another part of it is feeling like so much rests on this year. So much of what I’ve been doing for the past two years and what I hope to do in the future rests in how this year turns out. Yes, it is a learning experience, but I think the notion about how much this year means is on the back of my mind which kind of paralyzes me. I’m at least aware of it and trying to combat it... but I sort of feel like I’ve managed to fool everyone before, make them think I can do this, and now the truth will come out that I am a complete failure. I’m sure (on one level) that this won’t happen. But that nagging feeling is always there in the back of my mind.
So mixed feelings and a need to sort it all out plus probably just give it time. I’ll let you know how it continues to go.
Kate
1 comment:
Kate, the one thing I have found in life that FDR's comment "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" is really true. Once you have experienced the unknown and you reflect on it. You probably will think that it wasn't that bad.
Use to scare me in the Air Force about doing something I had no idea what it was about. Once I had done it, it seemed like it wasn't as bad as I thought. I think you find it much the same.
Read a article about Hugh Laurie at your Uncle Randy's house. He commented that his dad told him that winning wasn't about winning, it was losing that you learned the most from and what you took from that. So if you do fall on your face, learn from it. But, don't let it get you down. You'll do fine.
Dad
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